One of those days

Sunday was one of those days. A day where I break down and cry. I thought I was doing ok up until yesterday. I was/am hoping that my break will make my days easier and make my tears come less often.

We went to visit my husbands family (as we do every Sunday) and I realized yet again how different I am from them. I feel differently on just about every subject. I also often feel that as much as they love Jon and I they are so willing to jump up to help others when they are in need but when it comes to my infertility and my mood swings they expect me to forget about it and go on with life. To not let it run my life. Where is the compassion? I realize that my mood swings (which happen a LOT less now) are not easy to deal with but you'd think they they would show a little compassion. It's like to them my infertility is nothing. My husbands step mom tried for a year to get pregnant. I'm sorry but that in no way even compares to what I've been through. That is like me trying to compare myself to someone that has tried for 4+ years. The infertility treatments in and of it self is a whole different expierience.

I'm just sad. I know his family loves us. I'm just so sad on the inside. All I want is for my family to show they love me...to ask how I'm doing once in a while. To show they are interested...to ask me if I need anything the day I go in for my egg retrievals. I'm in pain for days after I get an egg retrieval. Last time I even had them over and cooked them dinner. Man did I suffer for that. I was in pain for 4 days because I didn't listen to the doctor and stay in bed that day.

I'm just in a slump. I know I will pull myself out of it. I'm just having a pitty me party for a few days.

I'm going to acupuncture in an hour and I know it will help me feel better.

I suppose I should probably get some work done. I can't seem to focus today at all!

on a break

I'm finally caught up in my blog. I hadn't been keeping my blog here and had to copy and past my July entries from another blog/online diary account I have.

My husband and I decided to take a break from the infertility treatments and have been on a break for about a month now. I also decided to ad herbs to go along with my acupuncture. I've been doing acupuncture for over 3 months and herbs for just about a month now. So far the herbs have helped with CM and lengthened my luteal phase by 2 days. With out progesterone support I have a short luteal phase (slight progesterone deficiency) I'm enjoying not being on the fertility drugs and will be taking at least 1 more month off before I go on the BCP for IVF. My acupuncturist wants me to be on the herbs for 3 solid months before I do my next IVF. I can take them with the BCP but I can't take them with the Gonal F injections.

At this point I can't even think about doing IVF #3 with out feeling sick so I chose not to think about it. I know our chances are slim but I'm hoping we can get pregnant on our own in the mean time. LOL I honestly think I'd pass out from shock if that happened!!

I've had 4 IUI cycles in which I had 6-13 follicles each time (my doctor was more aggressive but I trusted her since she was very experienced) all cycles ended in a BFN. My first IVF we transfered 2 embryo's, one of which was perfect and given a "high chance of implantation." that didn't work either. Not to mention that even with ICSI only 40-50% of my eggs fertilize. Given the fact that I only ovulate 1 (some times 2 ) eggs on my own means that I'd have to have THE perfect egg and THE perfect batch of sperm. It would be a true miracle if it worked....

well it's late and I have to get up early for church tomorrow.