More options

It's been a while since I've blogged.

I ended up consulting with Dr. T at SIRM. If we cycle with them it won't be till January 2009. DH and I aren't quite financially ready to put down $5,200 down for the egg testing (CGH on my eggs).
In the mean time we have started the process to adopt. Sometimes I'm excited about it and other times I feel like I'm having an emotional break down....Today's is one of those days.

I'm reading the book "adoption after infertility" and it has got me thinking. In one of the chapters it asks you to basically think about all your options (husband and wife do this separately) Honestly it's really hard to explain what she asks you to do so I'm not even going to try. Not to mention I don't have the time. It's really got me thinking about adoption vs embryo adoption. Being in such a state of limbo isn't easy though.

I've been trying to take time for myself but this weekend I did NOT get to do that. From Friday on I was with people 24/7. I feel like an emotional wreck today and can't wait to go home and shut myself in my room.

Oh yeah I can't remember if I ever mentioned that my husbands step brother, wife and 16 month old are staying with us. It's been quite hard having them around while I'm going through all this emotional crap. The problem isn't that they are here (they are quite helpful actually, my sister in law cooks and cleans so that takes that off my shoulders). What is hard is when I'm really upset I sometimes tend to offend my brother in law. He's kind of like an emotional sponge. He wants to help when someone is upset and I tend to "crawl in my hole" and not accept help. I need to get better at that. I'm not good at accepting help at all. And I will sometimes (not on purpose) offend him and I hate that I do that to people. This is just a really hard time emotionally for me.

My brother in law finds out this week if he is getting a job with liberty mutual (they have been with us since mid June).

Oh and because they live with us they also have a lot of paperwork to do so we can adopt.

I love my family but it's hard sometimes to have people around when I'm an emotional basket case. I hate people seeing this side of me.

As of yesterday I started thinking about embryo donation instead of adoption. We already put a $1,000 deposit with our adoption agency so we can't get that back. But embryo donation sounds rather interesting so I'm looking into how that works and costs.

***update***

my brother in law just called to say he got the job! Yay...now hopefully they can find a house and close with in the next month or two (that is their goal)