question

Ok some of the blogs I used to follow are "invite only" now. I haven't kept up with this blog or my friends blog in a long time but I plan on posting here again. How do you request an invite to a blog? I haven't seen where it gives you the option to contact someone. In particular I had 2 blog buddies that I did IVF's together. They went on to have their babies but the support we gave each other will never be forgotten and I'd like to catch up with them.

struggling

Ok so I'm supposed to be journaling as I grieve the loss of our son. (feels weird to say that since he's someone else's baby now). I have done a really crappy job of doing that though.

Honestly I don't even know where to start. I go places like the beach, church, shopping ect ect and think "he should be with me right now" His first beach trip, ect. I try not to think that way but it just kind of happens.

I'm also struggling with finding a job. I have been laid off for almost 1.5 years. I had a temp job that I stopped working at just before he was born. I was going to be a stay at home mom. Silly to some but that has been what I have wanted ever since I can remember. Now I'm back to looking for work and can't even get a call back for jobs that pay LESS then HALF of what I was making before. Got to love the economy. Luckily my husband is very successful and makes plenty for us to live on and I still get unemployment. But I feel like such a failure. Can't have kids, can't find a job. I struggle with depression every day. I am seeing my therapist again so hopefully that will help. If I don't improve she'll suggest antidepressants but neither of us want that.

I think that's enough for today. I really don't want to dig up these feelings again today.