Monday, July 19, 2010

left behind

My husband and I were coming home from visiting with his family yesterday and our birth mom was crossing the street with the baby. It was the first time I had seen the baby since she took him back. I didn't get to see much of him but from what I could see he has gotten quite big. Luckily she is moving out of our neighborhood and to a town far enough away that we should never run into her again. Seeing her and the baby made me realize I'm not quite done grieving and I'm not quite ready yet to get matched again. Our profile is still up and available to be seen and I'm ok with that. We could always turn down a match if we wanted to.

I'm thinking of putting my fertility friend account on hold for a while. All my friends accept a couple have all had their babies. My closest FF friends had babies around the same time we had Liam so I was supposed to experience motherhood with them. Their babies are all around 2 or 3 month's old now and here we sit childless still.


10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hello Amy! I happened upon your blog as I was just cruising through after updating ours. I read through and I must say, you are an amazing person who can really say what they feel. I am so sorry or the pain and loss you have been through. My older brother and his wife have been through the same things as you almost. They have done a couple if IVF treatments and have ended up adopting 4 beautiful children, 3 from the same birth mother. However, one birth mother changed her mind and took the baby back after they had her home with them and the birth mother of their oldest ended up changing her mind to keep him and then after a few months decided to give him back. Their story is truly amazing and I know my sister in law would absolutely love to share stories with you. My blog is mackeyfamilyfun.blogspot.com. If you are interested in getting in touch with her, please let me know. I have been blessed with 3 of my own little ones and will never truly understand the pain of infertility. I did have one miscarriage in the early stages of pregnancy but I know that doesn't even compare. I know my sister in law is always in need of someone to vent to about her frustrations as well and its always better if the listener knows what you are feeling. Anyway, hang in there and let me know if you would like to get in touch with her!!

Amanda Mackey

Meim said...

I'm sorry, Sweetie. I can't imagine running into her after all that has happened.

I totally understand you wanting to take a break for a bit. I am here whenever you need me!

Carrie said...

Hi I am new to your blog and sorry to hear that you are battling infertility too. My story is a little different in that my husband can't have children. We found that out after a year of trying. We have gone through three rounds of IVF that we had to pay for out of pocket..the most expensive kind (ICSI) and I lost 7 babies. None took. I am 39 and still childless.

Amy said...

Carrie-I'm so terribly sorry for all your losses. :(

Not sure how much of my blog you read but we can't have children either. I've never been pregnant. We did 4 IUI's and 6 IVF/ICSI's. We found out we have several immune issues and my embryo's (eggs) are genetically abnormal. We have also been matched 4 times through adoption but so far no permanent child. Our last match we had the baby for 2 weeks then the birth mom took him back.

smile said...

Hello...;)

Foreverloves said...

I can't possibly imagine how it must have felt to se him. I'm so sorry that they live close enough to you for that to happen. I'm quite sure you are not over the grief and loss of that. It is just so heartbreaking, I can scarcely imagine it. I wish I could say something, but I have never been through what you have. I won't blow rainbows up your butt, that's for sure. Just know that I DO think about you and think of your story...I wish I had a better answer but I just don't.

The Incredible Woody said...

Oh, how my heart breaks for you....

brittany watch said...

I am sorry. I am praying for you. I can be your friend if you ever need to talk. :)

D. said...

Hello Amy! This is M from DiaperDreams! I actually stopped blogging completely about 2 yrs ago. I should start again. If I ever do I will certainly let you know.

My little boy is 2 yrs old now. I honestly don't know how we ever managed to conceive him naturally because no birth control since he was born and still nothing. Thinking about getting ready to try a frozen embryo soon though.

I really apologize for not commenting on your blog. But I have never stopped checking in on you!! . . . I just feel so incredibly saddened that you have gone through SO MUCH! I feel guilty that was fortunate enough to have a baby. What could I say to comfort you? I don't know. But I want you to know that I care for you and I have cried for you and I continue to pray for you.

Amy said...

Hey M. I hve thought about you a lot over the past few years. Good luck with an FET if you decide to do one.