Thursday, October 7, 2010

Another failed match

I met someone on the cafemom forums. She lives in Florida and is due 1/16 with a baby boy. We all want to work together but we can't afford adoption right now. She needs a TON of expenses paid and we just drained out savings due to the way our tenant left are apartment unit (we are landlords) we just put $7,000 into that unit between repairs and the rent that we lost while fixing it. It's extremely depressing to have to back out of an adoption but we simply can't afford it right now. We have to re build our savings before we can move forward with adoption. I'm just really sad and depressed.

DH and I have discussed other options. Surrogacy is kind of out of the question because my eggs are so bad that the odds of getting a "normal" embryo that is not genetically abnormal is slim. We could do donor egg but we have no insurance so it's super expensive. And I really don't feel comfortable paying someone for their eggs. it would easily cost upwards to $20k to do it. Not to mention I have immune issues to worry about.

We could do donor embryo. it's way less expensive and it's basically adoption. The couple gets no money for their embryo's. You pay an agency fee plus cost of meds and ET. I would still need inralipids for my immune issues but we wouldn't have to worry about a DQ alpha match like we would with our embryo's or even if we used Donor egg and Dh's sperm we'd still have the DQ alpha match to worry about. With donor embryo I only have my elevated NK cells to worry about. And they are borderline anyway.

So I don't know what we will do. We'd like to move forward with this adoption but we just can't. We can't afford to do anything right now. I just don't know if I can keep doing this. It's extremely depressing and I find myself depressed all the time and losing my faith in God.

This was our 5th match. One seemed to be a scam so really our 4th.

I would really love to give surrogacy a try and we might but the chances are so slim that the RE we would be dealing with is recommending not using my eggs. I have friends who will surro for free.


Susan said...

Hi, I have been following your blog and I know the difficulties you are facing. I am so sorry for what you are facing and that would really upset me too.. to know that there is a baby due this January and to know you just spent your entire savings on getting that unit fixed up. Life really does suck at times. It's during these times you need the most support.

I am sending a big hug your way! Just a thought on this one..Have you considered foster care? I know a couple that got two twin boys that way. They state paid them as well. They now have adopted them.

I too, have to use intralipids as well and am NK borderline. I also have auto immune issues. I am 42 so my eggs are going, down, down, down. I've had 3 failed IVF's. This march with income tax, I am going to try my 2nd tubal reversal (my first one failed). But there are no guarantees that this one will work either. And this is costing us over 6,000. I used to have infertility insurance, but then the company changed so now everything is self pay. I'm trying to have the strength to move forward. As you know, this is hard.

I feel badly for you. I do have 3 bio children before all of this happened to me. I feel guilty knowing there are others out there who don't even have one. I am so so sorry!!

Amy said...

Yes we have thought about foster care. I started taking the classes but we had to do to many repairs to our unit in order for the fire department to pass us. Our fire department is extremely strict. Anyhow we decided now is not the time for us to become foster parents.

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you and I am very sorry that you are having such a difficult time.
I know that you are right about embryo adoption though. It is much more cost effective than other forms of adoption. And the idea of giving birth to your adopted child sounds like such an interesting option to me. If you need more information there is a good website with tons of information on Embryo Adoption. It's They have a list of all the different programs across the US there. Maybe one will work for you.
Good luck and God Bless

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Foreverloves said...

With the embryo adoption, we were going to do that with our excess embryos when we thought we were going to have twin boys. If I had more than just the two remaining ones, I would honest to God want to give them to you. You arethe type of person I would want to 'adopt' out my embryos to!!! There are so many people out there paying storage fees for embryos that they will likely never use. Maybe that is an option that could work for you. I wish I could offer it...but somehow, God allowed me to be pregnant with twins and then took them away. I have a daughter who I don't want to be an only child, but who knows. I know I am blessed to have her. It is painful. I wish I had something better to say, but I guess I don't.