Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Why I started this blog

Let me start by re emphasizing why I started this blog. I realize not everyone is going to like to read all my negative thoughts. But there is a reason it is all negativity here. I started this blog years ago because my therapist told me I should either talk to someone about what I'm feeling (other then her, you know like a best friend) and or write it down. (she said starting a blog or diary). I had friends going through the same thing (from fertility friend) so I thought I'd start an infertility blog like most of them did. It helps to get it all "out". So I can move on with life and not sit here and be miserable. You see once I write it all down I feel better. So contrary to the way this blog sounds I'm not this negative person that goes around hating my life and doubting my faith in God. I have my moments where I act like a baby and I get angry at God and like to blame him for my problems. I know my problems are not his fault and that he answers prayers in due time. But I have my moments where I "doubt" my faith because honestly it's easier to point the blame at someone else.

The reason I made this blog public (as I previously stated) was because I knew there were to many other woman going through this and I wanted them to know they are not alone in having these feelings. It is common for woman going through infertility and fertility treatments such as IUI and IVF to have these feelings.

I don't expect everyone to understand and I know I'll continue to get negative comments. All from anonymous people (I mean really people if you want to say something anonymous then like a name to a blog or something where people can respond to you). But I feel that lots of these people just find joy in going around being rude to others. I'm not perfect, I'll admit. I can be mean and gossip and be judgmental. And I'm working on that.

I do have a family blog. I'd be happy to give it out to you but I'm hesitant to post it here in public in fear of the "mean" people deciding to bash me there too. And I can't figure out how to let people contact me. Personally I prefer wordpress over blogger and that's where my other blog is.

Ah what the heck. My family blog is www.klickfamilyblog.wordpress.com . I haven't bee keeping up with it. Honestly I've been a bit depressed since May when the baby was taken back by his birth mom so I kind of stopped writing. (although I do have a few from this summer). I'm trying to write more but honestly my life is boring. I don't have kids so I post about my family gatherings and some times my dog. Fun fun huh? Although I suppose it's funner then listening to me whine here... :)

So anyway. I know life is hard. And I know all to well the "suck it up" mentality. My husband is big on not dwelling with things. To suck it up, accept it and move on with life. He's extremely blessed to be able to not let things bother him. Even the loss of the baby he handled well. He grieved and move on with life. I have a hard time with that (being an overly emotional person at times) but I'm working on it.

I start work (yay!) on the 1st. AFter 1.5 years of trying to switch from sales to an administrative job. If I wanted to stay in sales I would have had a job .... oh... about a year and a half ago. I guess I"m lucky that I have a husband with a great job. So I can be picky I guess. But being laid off doesn't help my depression any and working should snap me right out of it. I'll feel I have a purpose again. You see DH and I both want me to be a stay at home mom once we have kids but at that point at least I'll feel I have a purpose.

Ok I'm rambling now. I'll try to keep up to date with this blog and post more. I stopped for a while but it's good to get my feelings out.


Meim said...

I love your blog! I'm glad you are going to continue to write.

Congrats on the new job! That is so exciting!

Foreverloves said...

I get the same feedback. I use my blog/diary/whatever as you do. At the moment I am feeling badly, I write it out and then I do feel better. But then people only read the negativity and they think that's all they know. It's like they don't realize that what they read is just a tiny shard of what you feel on a day to day basis. I do hope you keep writing. I don't know enough about this place to know if you can block people, etc, but that's what I did on the other site. Maybe you can do that but still keep it public.

Becky said...

I just stumbled upon your blog.. but its good to know there are others out there feeling the same things i feel and being bitter like me ... thank you for changing your mind and continuing with it

Kathleen said...

Hi! I just found your blog and I feel like I'm a few years behind you. Dh and I are trying to decide weather do move to donor eggs or adoption. I just looked at your sidebar history and my heart broke in half for you. I hope that your baby comes to you soon, somehow. I will be following your story. Hugs.

Amy said...

Thanks Kathleen. I added you to my blog roll.

Foreverloves. Thanks so much. I've been bad about keeping up with other people's blogs or OD but I'm going to try to get better. I have a family blog I post to a lot so I don't post here much. I'm going to try to start posting to this blog again.