Friday, July 4, 2008


Well yet again another failure. We transferred two great quality embryo's this time and it still didn't work. I am very sad and have been depressed all day (beta was yesterday) I feel like a complete failure. I'm mad at my body, I hate that it doesn't do that it's supposed to do.

As far as what I'm going to do next I have no idea. We are still proceeding with adoption but one of my references STILL hasn't passed in the paperwork so we are at a stand still. I have been emailing or reminding her at least once a week. Last time I was bold enough to say (via email) that I can't move on to the next step till she mails in her paperwork. I'm very annoyed. She's had this paperwork at least a month if not two months now. I will see her at work on Monday. If she still hasn't passed in the paperwork I'm calling the agency, asking them to fax me a blank copy of the paperwork and giving it to someone else that I KNOW will fill it out and mail it back right away. I don't want to be mean but I'm very upset that she is dragging her feet.

As far as doing another IVF I really feel lost. I have a feeling that either we have more issues that have not been found OR my embryo's, regardless of how they look, are genetically abnormal and not likely to make a baby. I also found out that we are dealing with slight MFI. DH's count was only 33million for this IVF. Thank goodness we do ICSI. I mean it is plenty for even regular IVF (I think) but his SA's seem to fluxate a LOT. The more he's stressed the worse his SA's come back.

I'm debating going to CCRM later this year. The only problem is in November it's my 5 year anniversary and DH and I wanted to go away. We always go to North Conway and stay at the Spruce Moose Lodge. We stay in the cabin where we honeymooned. I love it there. We always hit the shops and do our annual clothes shopping. Not only are they outlet stores but they have huge winter sales on top of it. Ok so back to IVF. If I go to CCRM I'll need to take at least a week off minimum from work. That means I'd have to use the rest of my vacation time that I have. (I've already used all my sick time for my other 3 IVF's this year). I just took a weeks vacation built around the 4th of July (go back to work Monday) plus a day here and there that I've taken for one reason or another. I think I could scrape up 4 or 5 days if I work the rest of the holdays this year instead of taking them off (we get floater days). Anyhow, one of my friends on FF suggested I anniversary in Colorado w/ DH while I do my IVF. I suppose that's not such a bad idea. Only problem is my company blacks out the 4th quarter so the most I can get is a couple of days off unless I get special permission from my manager and my managers manager. SO I'm not sure what I'll do. Doing an IVF at the same time as my anniversary vacation isn't ideal but I suppose it would work. I mean when I'm on bed rest or recovering from ER DH and I can veg, cuddle and watch movies and order food. It's something that I'll have to budget to see how much it would cost. Honestly I don't expect IVF to actually work. I've given up on any hopes of having bio children any time soon. I just want solid answers as to WHAT is wrong with us and I know CCRM is the only place that will give us those answers.

So in the mean time I'm on a break, not sure for how long. I meet with my RE on the 16th. I have no idea what he'll say.


Amy N Jensen said...

Wow... 6 IVF's. That's amazing. I'm really sorry it didn't work out. We're starting on our second, and I admire your determination to keep trying.

Polly Gamwich said...

Amy, I'm so sorry that number 6 failed :-( ... I too think you could do a vacation at CCRM's a beautiful area for sure.

Big hugs sweety,
Polly from FF

M said...

I am so, so sorry. This feels completely unfair. I know when all is said and done you will have your baby, but I am just so sorry the process has been this difficult. Praying for you.

luluthecat said...

Amy, sorry for the #6 failed. I have been following your blog for a while and I too have the same multinucleated embryo problem as you do. My 1st BFN ivf, all of my 4 embryo are multinucleated, I was really upset when my RE suggest I should go for egg donor since then I start looking into acupuncture and TCM, hoping to fix my poor egg quality. I have seen many different acupuncuturists and they all told me that I should take at least 3 months break between IVF. Within that 3 months duration, I should not do hormone shot, no IUI, no hormon medication, only acupuncture & chinese herbs therapy. The reason they say is to let the body recover. I'm wonder if your accupuncture told you the same thing ?

Amy said...


Yes my acu had me take 3 months off once and continue with acu and ad herbs. It didn't help me at all. I'm not saying it won't help other woman. Just didn't help me.

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry to hear such sad news - I had every finger/toe crossed for this IVF! I'm hoping things turn around for you...I can't imagine how hard this is after 6 attempts!

Anonymous said...

I agre that at this point you need to go to CCRM. I live in the area and it's gorgeous for vacationing. You could still have your lodge and the wilderness and outlet shops!

Anonymous said...

DW and I have been trying for a baby for almost two years... 1st we had surgery Endometriosis, then 3 negative IUI; 2 negative IVF (2nd negative result delivered today... ouch) 1 with ICSI, 1 w/o.

We had no idea it was going to be this hard... DW tried acupuncture... etc... bride has been incredible, but how long is too long... this hurts! is donor egg the answer? what is worng with ours? how will this make her feel, incomplete, broken?

Anonymous said...

Wow, you are a soldier to make it through the punishing, brutal, mind-numbing ivf cycle 6 times. Personally, I am in the Bay area, married a bit over 4 yrs, 39 y/o and failed ivf cycle #1 (2 embryo transfer) got preg, singleton, on cycle #2 with (4 embryo transfer) but just miscarried this week at 9 wks due to presumed chromosomal abnormality....scheduled for a single blast transfer early Nov....this has taken such an emotional toll on me that I am trying not to get too worked up about #3 frozen cycle and trying not to think what if it doesn't work...I am also trying to fight my feelings of depression and jealousy when I am around pregnant women or women with babies...I have never experienced anything like this emotionally so I commend you for having the fortitude to make it through 6 cycles. God bless you and the children I know you will have in whatever way God delivers them to you!