Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Rejected

Well add me to the list of IVF rejects. It's official. My RE says there is nothing more he can do for me. He referred me to someone in NJ but I looked up their success rates on www.sart.org and they just don't seem good enough for me to justify traveling to go there. I called to make a phone consultation and they charge $250 of which they said from their experience my ins wouldn't cover so I have to pay out of pocket and attempt to get reimbursed. I'm just not willing to pay that much money for someone's opinion. Besides I still have my phone consult with Dr. Schoolcraft at CCRM tomorrow morning. I'm not going there but thought getting his opinion would be good.

I'm not sure I can handle this right now. The therapist in my support group says I need to deal with my grieving and let myself cry but how on earth am I supposed to do that when I have a job to do? I suppose I could go in the bathroom and just cry but who wants to do that? I could see someone walking in and saying "are you ok?" I already had someone say "you face is red are you ok?" in which I replied "I'm having a bad day."

I think it would be good for my husband and I to get away for a weekend together. Somewhere away from home.

*********update***********

Ok I'm done with this crap. CCRM just called and said they typically only do one consult (a free one) which I had back in December and they typically don't do another one till they know 100% that I'm going there. So they basically told me I couldn't talk to Dr. Schoolcraft. then I told her that they don't accept my insurance anyway so I guess it doesn't matter. In which she replied that if I wasn't going there they don't do consults.

What ever. I'm so done with this crap. I think I'm done with IVF completely.

I'm not sure I can handle being at work today but I'm also not sure I could handle going home and being around family either. I just want to go away for a bit. I really think DH and I need to go away for a weekend so I'm looking into local places we could go to. I want to be away from home. My BIL and his wife offered to go out for a night and give DH and I space but I want to be away from home. Not because of them but because it's so much nicer to go some where away from home.


I feel like I'm going to puke

3 comments:

Jennifer said...

Oh how frustrating. Can you tell CCRM that you do plan to use them - just to get in for a consult? Then you can decide later if you really want to use them or not?

Sounds like getting away for a few days will be good...hope you find someplace nice and relaxing!

M said...

Oh, there are no words to describe the sadness I felt as I read your entry. This seems so completely unfair. In my heart, I still feel so strongly that somehow, someway, sometime, a door will be opened for you. But, for now, I am so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you and DH get away this weekend. I think it's just a necessity right now.--Maybe even next weekend too! I don't know how you are managing to work with the stress of all of this. Please plan some time alone the two of you to unwind from all the intensity of the last 14 months.

HeidiM said...

Hey there. I'm not a heavy follower of your blog but I have you in my Google Reader.

CCRM is a institution which I'm fed up with so perhaps you should be happy to not get tangled up with them.

Maybe try calling Conceptions in Denver. Their stats are good, they have a world-renowned embryologist, and Dr. Swanson used to be partners with Dr. Schoolcraft.