Friday, May 25, 2012

extra help

So I talked to my therapist yesterday about how I'm feeling and she suggested meds to help. I agreed and went to my OB (my therapist can't prescribe-and I wish she could) and she is prescribing me this:

I'm not to keen on the idea and I'm regretting agreeing to it. Yes I have had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning and I just want to lay there all day and drown in my sorrows. And I have moments where I don't want to exist any more. (I don't want to die I just want to disappear). I know the meds will help but I don't like the idea of putting that crap in my body. As it is I'm on Nexium for my acid reflux and levoxyl for my thyroid issues. And baby asprin for my clotting disorder (although I forgot to tell her that so I should probably all and let her know since it's on the "list" on that web site).

Because I've had an issue in the past (over 10 years ago) where I tried to OD on pills and had cutting issues she is hesitant to let me go off it but after 6-9 month's I'll probably demand to be weaned off of it. I have lived at least 10 years with out any form of antidepressants and been fine. yes I deal with anxiety but nothing serious and I never get depressed. this is a first. but in my defense I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I'll likely never be pregnant. Combined with the fact that 2 doctors have given me the "age talk". which is funny cause I've had diminished reserve for YEARS now. But I'm at "that age". and of course my OB had to remind me that i'm at "that age" and miscarriages are normal even for 20 year olds. Oh please. So it's bad luck yet again? I seriously doubt that. Oh and stressing is bad too and can cause miscarriages and infertility. I seriously almost reached across the table and smacked her. yes stress can cause you to have a late ovulation or no period. And I know stress isn't good for pregnancy. I had a really positive attitude for all 3 of my FET cycles and do not remember being stressed in the least. UGGG

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