Thursday, May 31, 2012


I must have hit an all time low last week. Rock bottom I'm guessing. This week has been much better. I'm able to smile and laugh which is a relief. And I have moments where I feel like "me". Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday went well. Today though has been rough. Not nearly as bad as last week but rough. I'm tired all the time (have been since the loss) and can't seem to get enough sleep.

Today a co worker brought her 7 week old baby in. She had her baby just days before my first due date so it was hard. I managed to smile and listen to her talk to my other co workers for a few minutes but then had to put my head phones on. I felt bad but it was just a reminder of what I should have.

I've been listening to meditation music every day this week and listening to my scriptures as well. I do both at work. I'd meditate in the morning but I'd just fall back asleep. I guess I cant' really "meditate" at work but listening to the music is calming. I'm going to go home today and meditate for a while. My husband has been swamped all week and had zero time to spend with me so I'll take advantage and do some meditation. i did tell him however that as of 4 pm on Saturday he's all mine, and only mine.

Speaking of Saturday. I signed up for 2 out of the 3 foster classes I need to finish my license. Jon and I don't plan on taking a placement right away (not till I'm 100% recovered from my losses) but this gives me something to do and work towards.

I am just so worn out. Just the every day "normal" stuff is exhausting. Mentally and physically. It's not something I can really explain. A few days ago I was so tired I thought I was going to pass out. My therapist says it's normal to feel this way given what I'm going through. I guess it's part of the grieving process. Grieving takes a lot out of you.

I'm not sure if I mentioned but I only took my meds for 2 days. My last dose was last Saturday. I don't' think I need them (I've been doing better) but I have them if Jon or I feel I need them.

Well I suppose I should get back to work. I'll leave you with this video. You might want a box of tissues. I listened to this at work today after my co worker left with her baby. It may sound weird that I did that to myself but it helped me "feel" the grief and move on with my day.

No comments: