Yesterday was a good day. I hung out with a friend for the day. Went with her to Bangor maine and had lunch. I actually felt like myself yesterday. (despite the fact that I had a really bad headache).
Today however isn't a good day. I'm not sure what causes me to have bad days.
I'm not sure what the future holds. I keep going between child free and finishing up the foster classes. I only have 2 more classes to take to be licensed. Luckily since I took most of them in 2010 I don't have to re take the one's I already took. Although I have someone looking into that for me just to be sure. The classes I need are on 6/2 so I'm going to sign up for that. It's free and won't hurt. We may also decide to adopt but that won't be till early 2013. I think, if my husband says yes, that once I'm fully done "grieving" and back to my "normal happy self". That being foster parents will be a good way to fill that void. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom and this will be a way for me to be able to do that, and help make a difference in these children's lives. I know it will be hard. Fortunately I'm used to heart break so I think I'll fair pretty well. That and you can chose to take low risk placements as well.
1 comment:
Amy - I just caught up on the hell you've been living the past few months. I know nothing I can say will help, but I don't blame you one bit for moving forward and doing what you can to accept a new "reality." Perhaps, when you are ready, adoption or foster care will be a good alternative. But we know, it's always an alternative to what you really want and it sucks believing you can't have what you want or what everyone else has for that matter.
I understand your frustration with Heavenly Father. I can feel a bit of your pain. I just don't blame you.
Take care of yourself. You are so strong. I wish you happiness and healing - with or without children. You have a long life ahead of you and you deserve to be happy in the best way possible.
Thanks for sharing your story. Your efforts to do so are not in vain.
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