Sunday, December 2, 2007


I can't remember the last time I was this sensitive. I cry almost every time I see a baby. I saw a young woman (much younger then me) go pick up her daughter because she was crying and I had to go to the bathroom to compose myself (I was at church choir). today in church I couldn't help but fight back the tears. In every lesson someone compared it to motherhood. I think that the woman in my ward are quick to forget about those that don't have babies and quick to assume that it's because we are not trying. In relief society today I couldn't help but start crying. The lesson was about depression. (I won't get into details). Anyhow, everyone was talking about how people get depression because they have a low self esteem. I had to pipe up (trying not to cry) and explain that sometimes depression can come from things in life we can't control. Like righteous desires. I talked about how it's hard to accept the Lords time. Anyhow, I tried to keep myself composed but just couldn't.

I hate how sensitive I am right now. I'm back to not wanting to be around pregnant woman any more. I also find that sometimes I don't even want Jon to touch me. Most of the time I just want him to leave me alone. It's not his fault that this is happening. I have no idea why I do it but I do.


M said...

I am glad you shared that depression can be situational. That is absolutely true. People need to remember to be sympathetic to others who are suffering and not assume it is a character flaw.

I think it is important to take time to mourn this ivf loss. It is ok to be sad and sensitive right now. Hope and will come back around.

Jennifer said...

Amy - Sorry your so sad right now...I hope your sadness passes with time!!! All this IF stuff is so hard...emotionally draining. ((hug))