Friday, November 30, 2007

Depression

The more I think about switching clinics the more stressed I get. I think I'm just going to stay with Boston IVF for now. I will still meet with the other clinics though. That way I can find out what they would do different and maybe talk to my current RE about it.

I'm at work today and finding it hard to get anything done. I'm still very depressed. I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants to give up for a while. I'm sick of TTC. However I'm not sure how much longer I'll be blessed with my insurance so I decided to keep trying. It depresses me though. I Just don't know what to think. Our chances of conceiving on our own is slim now that my RE suspects egg quality.

I hate feeling this depressed. Part of me wonders if I should just go to my OB and request antidepressants. However I hate them. I was on them YEARS ago and managed to learn to deal with my depression/anxiety on my own. This TTC/IVF roller coaster is to much for me to handle now. I can't seem to find any enjoyment out of life right now. Not even with my husband. 99% of the time I just want to be alone...which is not like me. I can't sleep at night any more. All I can do is lay there depressed until I get so tired I can't keep my eyes open any more.
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I seem to go in and out of this "mood". I hate that I'm so up and down. Just goes to show I don' t need anti-depressants. However when I'm down it makes it hard to get anything done. I know I will get through this "funk." It's just a matter of how long it will take me.

2 comments:

M said...

I think that's probably a good idea to go one more round with them. Also, so good to meet with others and see their take.

I'd be amazed if anyone wouldn't be depressed after a failed IVF. Totally normal, yet excruciatingly painful nonetheless. I didn't even want to sleep next to DH last night. I wanted to just lay on the floor in the livingroom with a blanket over the heating vent, curled up in ball! He is the happiest most wonderful part of my life, but I wanted to be alone. He looked so sad I decided I would try to sleep in our bedroom. Thankfully I fell asleep right away. But, I know what you mean.

Jennifer said...

Amy - Sadness seems to go hand-in-hand with some of the disappointment involved in IF treatment. Sorry you're having such a difficult time with it...I hope you find some relief soon.

Maybe all those consults will help to get your questions answered and give you some hope for your next cycle! Good luck with the appointments!!!