Fertilization report!

Out of my 12 eggs retrieved 8 were mature (little disappointing but oh well) The good news is out of the 8 that were ICSI'd all 8 fertilized! I don't have any grades since I'm only 1 day past ER today. Tomorrow I guess they will have grades. I won't know till I go in for transfer though. What sucks is my RE won't even consider doing anything but a 2dt. I guess that is for the best but it would still be nice to transfer 2 blasts. I have to be at the hospital at 7:30 tomorrow morning. Yet another Saturday of getting up at the crack of dawn. I just hope all are great quality. If they are he will freeze them on day 2. If they are not great quality they will push for day 3 or 5 to freeze. I hope that they ask me before they freeze them. I need to know how much $$ it is. I also want them frozen in batches of 3 if I have 6 to freeze. (since not all embryo's make the thaw) besides if this IVF doesn't work I'll be telling my DH and my RE that I'm transferring 3 on an FET. DH is scared to transfer 3 but at this point I'm willing to take the risk of all 3 taking. I highly doubt that would happen though. Heck I highly doubt all 3 would survive the thaw. Then again I could be wrong. Stranger things have happened.

I'm pretty happy with my results but still nervous/disappointed in doing a 2dt. People that are "young" with lots of embryo's usually get pushed for a 5dt. However given my history my RE doesn't want to risk it...I'm almost willing to take the risk. Part of me wants to call and talk to him about the transfer (or one of the embryologists). Needless to say I'll be asking the embryologist lots of questions before they do the transfer tomorrow.

Looks like the LH did the trick!

We got 12!

12 Eggs retrieved! The next hurdle is finding out how many were mature and how many fertilized (immature eggs they don't fertilize, they do keep an eye on them and try to mature them in the lab but most of the time they don't even attempt to fertilize immature eggs) I've never had a problem with immature eggs but the most I've had retrieved was 7 so we'll see.

We are doing a 2 day transfer (Saturday at 8 am) either way. In the past my embryo's have been fine on day 2 (4 cells-which is right where they should be) but by day 3 the cell growth slows down (by day 3 they should be around 8 cells) Mine were almost always only 5 cells on day 3. It's obvious that my embryo's don't like the lab. Either that or they stink. Needless to say my Re is not taking any chances. In the studies they have done they have shown that pushing till day 3 doesn't increase success rates for them. They almost always do 2 day transfers. I did talk to the embryologist about the fact that the embryo is in the tube till around day 4 but she said the uterus is just as good as an environment as the tube. In fact she says there really is no difference accept for the fact that it floats around in the uterus for a few days.

My RE also wants me on strict bed rest for 3 days (Saturday, Sunday and Monday) that means in a reclining/laying down position. It sounds stupid but they have done studies that show it increases their success/implantation rates. I personally think it's silly but I'm going to abide by my doctors orders. Jon is adamant that we follow doctors orders. He has done lots of studies and seems to know what he is doing so I have to trust him.

Tomorrow after 10:30 I can call for an update. They tried to explain their grading score but it's very complicated. They said it goes up to 7 but can go up to 12 (higher the number better the quality) regardless they said there will be an embryologist there for my transfer along with my RE to answer any and all of my questions. They do their grading based on how the cells divide. Essentially, they have found, that cells that divide evenly (meaning the cells are the same size, not some small and some large) have high implantation rates regardless of what day they are transferred (they have done studies where they number the embryo's on day 1/2 and follow them through day 5 to prove the theory. They also look to see how many nucleus is in each cell. Each cell is only supposed to have 1 nucleus but in some cases each cell will have more then 1. Again, their studies have shown that even cells with 1 nucleus have better implantation rates.

Ok off to rest now. I'm supposed to be resting today.

Shots in the butt

I had to do my HCG shot (10,000 units) in the butt last night. I used the IM needle (25G 1 1/2") I couldn't possibly get the needle in all the way. I tried but at one point it hurt. I think I got it 1/2 to 3/4 of the way in. My nurse said I should be fine. She also said I had to have someone help me with the PIO shots because the needle has got to go in all the way.

SO someone that has a butt twice as large as mine has to use the same size needle? Where on earth is the logic in that? How can I be sure that the 1 1/2" needle is the right size?

My husband HATES needles but said he'd do it. Lovely, bend over honey it's time.

Why on earth is having a baby this hard? It's supposed to be easy. And my kid sure as heck will know what I went through to conceive him or her. I've about HAD it with these shots. Just as my belly feel better my butt is sore. I don't think I'm going to be able to sit if the PIO shots hurt as much as the HCG shot did. I'm still sore today but that could be because it's an HCG shot.

I sure as heck hope I didn't mess up my HCG shot. All the other IVF's have been in my belly so I should be fine right?

emotions

My emotions are all over the place. I went from being excited to not wanting to do this again. I often find myself looking over at the pregnancy boards on FF. I don't know why I do it to myself. To be perfectly honest I get jealous of the woman over there. Especially those that do IVF and get pregnant right away, and some of them with twins. How someone else can be blessed so abundantly but I can't even get 1 baby and I've had 4 embryo's transfered thus far just doesn't seem fair. Don't get me wrong I'm not hoping for any more then 1 baby. I know what is best is having a healthy pregnancy. Anyhow, I really should get off the internet. I'm an emotional wreck. I just want to get the next two weeks over with.

8 days of stims

E2=1,539!!!
LH they didn't measure and I'm VERY nervous!!!
-I'm not on anything to keep me from ovulating...the nurse said they push people this far all the time...Please tell me this is normal..I"m so afraid I'll surge on my own!

Lining = 11.8 A different tech did it this time so I'm sure that is why it is "thinner" then Saturday. Also no one ever told me it was triple but I looked at the screen Saturday and there was 3 distinct lines so I'm pretty sure it is.


Left: 1@16, 2@15
Right: 1@17, 2@16, 4@15, 2@13

Oh my word I am in SHOCK!!! I feel like I'm going to wake up from a dream soon!!!

I am just over the moon right now! Even if I don't get a BFP I'll be so so so so so happy if I get some to freeze!!!

If I do have 12 follies My E2 should be around 2,400 at trigger right? shouldn't it be around 200+ per mature follicle?

My next u/s and b/w is tomorrow!

I can't even believe this is happening...I almost feel fertile.

I had called & the nurse wasn't totally sure of my instructions so she read what she saw:

same dosages: 150 Gonal F, 2 vials of Repronex (300iu FSH & 150iu LH)

Ok so if LH makes me surge what on earth is stopping me if I'm pumping my body full of LH?

Update:

Re changed his mind. I take my meds tonight along with cetrotide. I trigger tomorrow but not sure what time yet. They said retrievals are in the mornings...so some time very early Thursday morning.

I'm so nervous that my E2 is to low. I'm sure it will go up between today and tomorrow...no more b/w or ultrasounds. :(

I'm so nervous...this is going to smoothly...something's got to go wrong somewhere along the way right?

Nausea

I've had Nausea since late last week. At first I thought I was coming down with the stomach bug that swept through work last month. However today I read the side effects of Repronex and nausea is one of them. I don't know how many more days I can take this. I'm going to mention it to the nurse on Monday. If my follies are still smallish I'm going to see if there is anything they can give me that will help with nausea. I think I'll only be stiming a few more days so in reality I won't have to deal with this much longer. This is the last time though that I will use Repronex. If I have to do another IVF I will request another form of LH.

6 days of stims

U/s this morning showed:
R: 4@11mm, 1@12mm
L: 2@10mm
Lining 12.4 triple layer!

My b/w came back:

E2 833
LH 1.3
TSH I will get back in a few days.

Instructions: increase dosage: 150 Gonal F, 2 vial Repronex (total FSH=300iu total LH =150iu)

Originally they were having me go in on Tuesday for my b/w and u/s (that would be after 9 days of stims) but I called my RE later and told him I was nervous so he is bringing me in on Monday.

I HATE the Repronex...It stinks and gives me HUGE sore red welts on my belly. :( Not to mention they give me HUGE red welts and it BURNS! If I inject it slowly it doesn't hurt to much. The nurse also said to let it sit out for 15 minutes and that should minimize the red welting. I'm up to 3 shots a day now.

I asked my RE and he said they freeze embryo's on day 1, 3 or 5. What day they freeze them depends on the embryo quality I guess. of course I don't expect to have any to freeze but oh man would it be nice to do FET's if this IVF doesn't work!

I'm trying not to count my chickens before they hatch but I really think I'll stim for at least 9-10 days this time!! And I'm so excited he increased my dosage. Here is what I think (and I could be way off base here)

either my body is getting used to the drugs OR the increase in dosage has helped recruit more follies, vs keeping me at the same dosage (which my last RE always did-or lowered it) and having the already growing follies suck up all the FSH and continue to grow.

not sure if that makes sense but I really think the steady increase of meds is helping to recruit more. Either that or my body likes the repronex. I hate the welts though!!

This was a very quick update because DH is waiting for me to finish a movie with him. :)

4 days of stims

Well had my b/w and u/s this morning and I’m trying to stay positive and calm but it’s hard. The u/s tech says they don’t measure anything under 10 and as far as I’m concerned anything under 10 does not matter to me because they are not all guaranteed to become eggs. Anyhow, I had 3 11mm follies. Part of me wants to scream. “I told you!! I told you I needed a MUCH higher dosage! I told you my body was not responding as well as it did over a year ago when I did IUI’s!!!” But the other part of me is telling myself, “relax, you are stimming slower, this is good, there is still time for your dosage to be increased, calm down it will be ok”

So that is my update. I’ll get my b/w results early afternoon. Usually my E2 doesn’t match my follie numbers. My E2 has always been over 4-500 by day 2-4 of stims and the only cycle it wasn’t I was over supressed and got 3 follies/eggs.

The u/s tech this morning asked how I was doing and what kind of cycle so I replied “I’m ok, and I’m doing IVF”. She said “just ok, no bloating cramping etc” I said “no just normal ovary twitching, I don’t usually bloat since I don’t get a lot of eggs” “ well that’s good” she replied.

When she was done she continued to talk to me and at the end said “well you don’t seem to excited about anything today” I wanted to say “well no crap, you do this 4 times and tell me you are freaking excited”

Ok vent over. I’ll update when I get my instructions and if he doesn’t up my dosage I’m calling my nurse (Jessica-who is awesome btw) and telling her I want it increased. Essentially I want it increased to 300iu…that is what my old RE was going to put me on…same exact protocol but 300iu of gonal F. Maybe for me starting off on a lower dosage was the way to go, who knows…but I’m still nervous. Trying to stay calm… this could go 1 of 2 ways…in 2 days I could have 3 14+mm follicles OR I could have a lot more follies all around 11-13mm.

*****************

E2 was 257-1/2 as high as it usually is. Either I'm stimming slower or I'm not recruiting nearly as many follicles as I have in the past.

Instructions:

Increase gonal F dosage to 150 & continue 1 vial of repronex for 2 days. (total 225iu FSH & 75Iu LH daily) I get to go back on Saturday for b/w and u/s. Yet another Saturday of getting up at 6 am. :( RE will measure my E2 and LH at my next visit and I might start cetrotide.

IVF nightmares

So I feel more relaxed and have a "what ever" attitude when it comes to this IVF. However that doesn't stop me from having TONS of questions for my RE: Don't I need to be on a suppression like Ganerellix when I start the LH? (right now I'm on no suppression-as I was on the BCP not Lupron) and they told me to start the LH on Tuesday night. I'm thinking I should be on Ganerellix at the same time. Too much LH can be a bad thing so I'd like my own bodies hormones suppressed. not to mention doing Ganerellix earlier could potentially help me stim a day or two longer. I'm not doctor but this is my 4th IVF and my 7th time on these drugs so yes I know my body!

I also had a nightmare last night that my IVF was canceled due to no response. *sigh* so it appears deep down inside I'm scared to death. But I will not admit it. I refuse to give in to my fear. All I need is 2 great quality embryo's for a 2dt. I don't need a ton of follicles. Essentially all I really need is 5-6. I have a crappy fertilization rate with ICSI so if I have 5-6 eggs I'm guaranteed to have at least 2-3 embryo's to chose from.

I was going to work today. I can either take the day off paid today or work and take the day off paid later this year. I was going to work today and use the day off for my IVF but oh well. I decided to stay home. I may regret it later but I decided to not live my life around my IVF. I'll use a sick day for my retrieval and save my vacation time. I may end up working the day of my transfer. Sitting home on my butt won't help me get pregnant. I know some woman like bed rest but #1 I don't want to use a vacation or sick day for my IVF if not needed and #2 I really don't think it helps pregnancy rates. And #3 it's a 2dt not a 5dt so bed rest is not as relevant for me as it might be for a 5dt.

ok I'm going to try to go back to bed now.

IVF/ICSI #4 has officially begun!

Well Here is my pharmacy. It includes 4 boxes of 450iu Gonal F pens from my last IVF. I'm missing 2 boxes of Ganerellix that will arrive on Tuesday. Oh and I didn't even try to put in all the needles I have from my past IVF's. I have WAY to many. And of course precision rx sent me a crap load of needles this time. Needles I'll probably never use. Then again if I get pregnant I'll need them for the pio shots so I guess it's good I have them. I also have a box of Lupron unused that I'll never use as well as some crinone I'll never use again (got AF 12 days past my retrieval when I was on it).

This is after 25 days of the BCP. I've never been on the pill for more then 21 days so I'm wondering if my body is confused and AF won't come.

FYI today is day 3 of no BCP and no sign of AF. Usually AF comes by day 4 of no BCP so she should be here tomorrow. My clinic counts today as CD 2 though.

Today's u/s and b/w results are:

E2 under 20 -their lab must measure hormones on a different scale. My E2 was never under 40 until I switched to this clinic.
Progesterone 0.6--hmmm...AF should be here....
FSH 1.1 ? Is that because I haven't started AF yet? Seems very low....
lining-5.3 --this must be because I haven't bled yet....seems kind of thick for the beginning of a cycle.

Here were my instructions:

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday 150iu Gonal F
Wednesday 75iu Gonal f & 1 vial Repronex. (totals 150 FSH and 75 LH)
Thursday AM b/w and u/s.

I sure hope the Repronex does the trick and helps with egg quality! Some RE's say adding it to early can cause you to have worse egg quality. We shall see I guess. Then again this same clinic said they start the Ganerellix a lot earlier in your cycle so your eggs aren't introduced to the male hormones in your body...which can also effect egg quality. They say waiting till the follies are 14mm (which my RE is doing I think) is to late. I sure hope he starts me on the Ganerellix earlier since he is giving me 75iu of LH!

Precision RX

I hate snow. It snowed last night and today it's raining and freezing. Didn't make a fun trip into work.

My "co worker" that I think I've mentioned before is driving me nuts. I can't get anything done when she is in the office. Every 2 minutes she's asking me a question. I want to scream "leave me alone" She also wants me to go on the road with her on Friday and I have no desire. I can call her clients from my desk and get the same results. I see no point in both of us being out there. BIG waste of time if you ask me. I'm ticked that I'm here today. I had a good day yesterday but so far today sucks. It might get better when she leaves to go on the road. She's a very nice person but she drives me nuts!!!! I can't wait till Jon graduates. I seriously think I'll be giving my 2 week notices in June. I can't do this any more. For those that don't know I work in sales. I work for a media company so it's advertising. Unless you've worked in advertising/marketing it would be hard for anyone to understand what the environment is like.

My meds should be here on Thursday. It took me numerous phone calls to precision RX and my doctor. I can't tell you how many times I had to call. So Tuesday I ordered my meds. I was on the phone at least a 1/2 hour. Last night I get a call from them but they didn't say why. I was on hold waiting for 10 minutes to talk to someone then they said "oh your card declined but we can't change it, let me transfer you to billing." 10 minutes later I get billing. They tried to update my credit card but there was a med missing (cetrotide) so they transfered me back to customer service, another 10 minutes. They get that squared way (about 5 minute process) so about 35-40 minutes because those bone heads didn't check the expiration date of my card. They had an OLD card on file. Now why would you not check the expiration date? all they did was verify the last 4 digits. Needless to say I'm NOT happy with them at all. The only reason I use them is because my insurance company forces me to. I paid $150 for meds that usually would have cost me thousands had I gone through someone else. The other day when I called the lady said "your doctor ordered 9 pages of meds" I wanted to say "are you on drugs?" so I had to call my RE's office and confirm the meds. Precision RX had it ALL wrong.

My meds should be at my house on Thursday. What a pain.

Today was my last BCP. Thank goodness. I've had cramps on and off for 3 days. I know my body wants to get AF.

meds are FINALLY on their way

After numerous calls to precision rx and my doctor (back and fourth) My meds are finally on their way. Precision rx is terribly slow! I have to use them for most of my meds because of my ins. If I go through them it's $40 co pay per med (so todays was $140). If I got my HCG through them it would be $40 but if I go to freedom (I pay a percentage of the cost if I go elsewhere) it was under $10. They will be here Wednesday. Nothing like last minute.

I'm on:
Gonal F
Repronex
Cetrotide
PIO & Estrace in the 2ww. I've filled all but the estrace. I'm pretty sure that since it's a pill it will be under $10 at freedom. I've never been on estrace before.

I've started to realize that most of my stress is from work. I hate my job. I've debated talking to my boss but I think it's to risky. I don't think there are any other positions in the company. As it is they have had to make cut backs. I'm going to stick it out till my IVF is done then I might get a different job. If I end up pregnant by some miracle I might just stick it out through my pregnancy. My boss is very nice (can work from home if I need to). I'm just upset and angry/sad all the time now. My job makes me miserable. I really can't stand working on a team with 2 other people. I'm trying so hard to like it but I just can't get myself to. I guess all I can do is take it 1 day at a time. Once DH graduates and gets a job I might quit all together. Who knows. I really want to stop working and give myself a break when DH graduates but I'm not sure I can justify it. I know DH will let me but giving up the money will be so hard. I'm hoping once I get pregnant this will all be more bearable. Between a job I hate and a body that keeps failing me as a woman I'm miserable all the time. All of these failures is getting to me emotionally. I'm starting to feel like a failure. It doesn't help that I've missed my infertility support group the past 2 times (forgot) I've GOT to remember to go to the next one (every 2 weeks) the last one was on 2/5 so the next one should be next Tuesday. I should call my therapist and let her know I'll be there.

It's been a long day and all I wanted was to come home to a DH that loves me. I feel like such a loser today. I'm always uptight at work and I know people can tell. I feel like they must think I'm a freak. I just wanted to come home to a husband who loves me but he went from a long day at Fidelity (helping them on Mondays - IT stuff- and getting school credits for it) to a TA position of which he also gets college credits. He won't be home till around 9 pm. :( My word I feel like such a loser today. Makes me wonder what people at work think of me. I'm sure I make it out to be worse then it is.

Mentality

It's hard to change my mind set. I'm so used to the mentality that I need more eggs. Here is my reasoning: usually only 50% or less of my eggs fertilize. (if you combine all my cycles my average is 58% fertilization with ICSI). From those not all my embryo's make it to transfer. Usually 1 out of 3 dropped out (never had more then 3 embryo's) by day 3. This time I'm doing a 2dt so it really doesn't matter to much how many eggs I get. I just need enough so I can have 2 good quality embryo's to transfer on day 2. My clinic is VERY picky about the one's they put back. My RE and his embryologist have done a TON of studies on 2 day transfers. She said she can give me all the scientific data I want. Anyhow, I'm sitting here and occasionally I find myself flipping out because I'm only on 150 units of gonal f. In the past I've gotten around 6 eggs out of that dosage. I'd be phsyched if I got 6 eggs this time but I'm so terribly afraid my response is worse. I used to get 6-8 follies with 150 and last time I was on 225 I had 8-9. Could have just been a fluke I guess. I'm still scared and I'm trying not to be. I just can't wait to start stims and get the ball rolling.

I'm trying not to look ahead to my beta. I'm scared that this won't work. This is my 4th fresh IVF and I'm scared to death it won't work. I really don't want to do this again. It's hard when I see so many people around me get pregnant. It makes me crave pregnancy/babies so much more then I normally do. I love my friends and I'm so happy for them. Anyhow, 3 more days of the BCP and 6 more days till my u/s and blood work to start stims! I'm pretty sure I start stims on 2/16.

4 more days

I can't believe I only have 4 more days of BCP. I can't wait. I'm getting excited for my cycle. I'm not overly excited though. I just don't care any more (not in a bad way) My first 3 IVF's I was an emotional wreck. part of it could have been due to the fact that I hated my clinic. This Re's office is GREAT. The nurse is wonderful! His embryologist was GREAT and has me VERY excited for a 2dt. Only sad thing is they can't take pictures of the embryo's in the Portsmouth office but she said if I have a camera phone (which I do) they can take a picture for me. :)

I'm not overly optimistic about this cycle but I sure hope it works. I'm sick and tired of all this crap and don't know how much more I can take. My BIL and his wife are moving here this summer and may live with us for a little while. Either way it will be easier for me to be around my nephew if I'm pregnant. I know that sounds terrible but it makes me sad when I see him doing his firsts...crawling, babbling, standing, laughing. I love him to pieces but I cry on the inside because I want that to be my baby.

Not much going on. Work stinks.

Waiting for my meds. Should have them next week. Not looking forward to spending the $$ but oh well. It's NOT a lot compared to what some people spend.

budget is tight so I wont' be doing acupuncture. :( I want to so bad but can't justify it. I might however do it before and after transfer. My husband doesn't want me to spend the money though so I might not.

I hope I'm not getting the stomache bug going around. I have major heart burn and feel nauseous. I also have a very sharp pain on my left side (my left ovary) I'm scared that maybe the BCP isn't working? Not much I can do about it. I sure hope it's not a cyst though...I doubt it. I mean the BCP is supposed to suppress me and it's never failed.

7 more days

I talked to my RE's nurse today (Jessica) and she is ordering my meds. I also talked to her about my concern over being on 150 iu of Gonal F. She said if need be he will up my dosage. She is also ordering me two 900 iu pens so I will have extra (not to mention what is in my fridge). I go in on 2/16 for b/w and u/s. I think I start stims that night if my b/w comes back ok. Guess they aren't to worried about AF. They bring me in for my first u/s after 3 days of stims. I'm not sure how often after that but I'm hoping every 2 days. If he is going to increase my dosage he's got to watch me carefully. My follies can take off and it could be to late. Sometimes by the morning after day 4 of stims I will have a 14mm.

I also told her I wanted to see a endocrinologist for my Thryoid. She says they don't refer people but my OB could. She said if I needed my records I could sign a release form. She also said they have a list of doctors and if they are on that list I don't need to sign a form...or maybe I miss understood her. Anyhow, I'll be looking for an endocrinologist. I really don't feel like dealing with another doctor and more tests but oh well. I'll try to find one in Portsmouth (where I work and where my RE is) so I don't have to travel far. I just think it's important to get this checked right away. I found places that are accepting new patients but I don't know if there is a wait or not. If there is I might just start with my OBGYN and request all the tests...ok what are the things again? T3, T4...etc etc?

I started my antibiotic tonight. When the pharmasist gave it to me I guess a flag went up in her computer saying I'm sensitive to it. I do have allergies (break out in hives...or I did when I was little: penicillin, amoxycillin and ceclor). I took one tonight so here's to hoping I have no reaction.

but would I be upset if I got hives and had to call in sick from work on a day where we are supposed to get a ton of snow? (tomorrow) probably not. :) NOT that I want hives!!! Work has been terribly stressful. I'm so sick of it.

Good to go.....I think...

Ok so I think I got the insurance thing squared away but I'm very nervous that I'll be stuck with the bill. At this point I really don't want to think about it.

SO I got my TSH checked today. It's a 3.76. They said that is "good" (they like to see it 4 or under). What ever. I called 2 places and both places said I need my RE to fill out paperwork and fax my records over to them. What crap. I don't feel like having my RE fill out paper work. Why can't the specialists office just do all the hormone tests for me? They are going to want to do it anyway.

I'm so sick and tired of doctors. I give up. Why even take my thryoid medication any more? What's the point. Oh my word I'm so sick and tired of this crap. I just might cancel my IVF.

*****************************
update: so I've decided to suck it up and call my RE's nurse directly and tell her I want to go see an endocrinologist. I will voice my concern about getting my TSH down to at least a 2 and getting other stuff tested (T3, T4, free etc). I also think I'll mention my concern about my gonal f dosage. He wants to back me down to 150. I don't' have a great fertilization rate with ICSI and I don't think I'll get to many eggs with 150. As it is I had 8 follies with 225 (only 3 eggs retrieved). I personally don't want to go under 225 and I'd like to do 300 (that is what Boston IVF was going to do). But my Re is worried of me stimming to fast. All he has to do is start the ganerellix a day or two sooner then he would. By waiting till my lead follie is 14mm...it's to late. I always trigger 2 days after that. My follies really grow fast at the end. I've always stimmed 8 days (9 on rare occasion) regardless of the dosage of gonal F. *sigh*

I'm trying to relax and just do what he wants me to but there is this nagging in the back of my head "you know you want to call...pick up the phone...call your RE" *sigh*

what do you think? here is my history:

2005-2006 IUI's
#1 = clomid 50mg 3 follies
break/cysts
#2 = 150iu Gonal F. 4 follies (7 days of stims)
(month off in between on BCP due to OHSS/cysts)
#3 = 15oiu Gonal F 12 follies! (8 days of stims)
break/cysts
#4 150iu Gonal F/cetrotide 8 follies

IVF #1 Antagonist protocol 150IU Gonal F (8 days of stims)
8 follies -7 retrieved-1 crappy quality. 6 good/ICSI 3 fertilized. 2 made it to day 3
1 perfect high quality 8 cell and 1 5 cell.

IVF #2 Lupron and 225 Gonal F (oversupressed) 3 eggs/3 retrieved. 1 fertilized and died in lab-abnormal growth rate-10 cells by day 2 and then stopped at 11 cells.

IVF #3: antagonist 225 IU gonal F: 8 days of stims
7 follies over 16mm. (1 at 15 and 1 at 12).
3 retrieved all 3 fertilized. 2 made it to day 3. (2 five cell)

Clomid challenge test: 100mg clomid and I got 3 follies.

As you can see my response wasn't that much better with my last IVF. Should I ask for a med increase to 225 (I doubt he will go to 300). Or should I trust him and do 150? Honestly I could care less about having some to freeze. I've accepted the fact that it probably won't happen and that we have possible egg/embryo quality. All I really care about is 2 good embryos for a 2dt . So should I even care about a higher dosage? all I care about are numbers.

also I still need to talk to his embryologist. By day 2 all my embryos are always alive. it's from day 2-3 that they stop growing. Thus I'm VERY nervous about a 2dt.

also at my last IVF the RE doing the transfer said my 5 cell embryo's were good quality. When I had my after IVF failure "talk" with MY RE (he didn't do the transfer) he said they were poor quality...when I got my paperwork it confirmed it... two 5 cell grade C. however they told me they grade 1-3 with 3 being the best. *sigh*.

Why can't it ever be easy?

So I STILL haven't gotten an approval yet. Just today my doctors office (Sandra is the ins person) got the correct fax number and faxed the form over to try to get it processed. However she mentioned something to the effect of ... well I don't understand and frankly I don't feel like explaining it. Needless to say she needs me to call and verify that certain "codes" are covered. OK...well here's the deal. My infertility plan is "out of the ordinary" it is not something that anthem typically offers. It's something special they made for my company's plan. Thus when ever I called to verify exactly what they covered (IUI's, IVF's how many, restrictions) I got different answers. SO I had them write me a letter. I have the letter and hopefully it helps. However this is what I don't get. My insurance company has approved 4 IVF's with Boston IVF. Why on earth my new doctor is having troubles is beyond me! I have 9 days left and I need to get this approved and get my meds mailed to me. Luckily the place I get my meds through will next day it to me (If I order it before Friday). I think I start meds on 2/16. That gives me 6 days to get my meds mailed...plenty of time though.

Anyhow, I'm grateful for my coverage by why the heck can't it be easy? I'm trying not to let any of this get to me but today I don't feel good. I struggled to make it through work. I've had a headache off and on all day, I'm sore all over, everything I eat feels like a brick in my stomache, sweats and shakey. All I want to do is lay down but if I go to sleep now I'll wake up at 1 in the morning and not be able to go back to sleep. I might call in sick tomorrow but then again I don't want to use up all my sick and vacation time at the beginning of the year. I want to save it for when I am absolutely ILL (IE throwing up etc) or for......morning sickness. LOL...

Anyhow, I'm frustrated but I have faith this will all work out. Looks like I might be calling my previous doctors office to get the approval number...the approval number that anthem gave them when they authorized my 4th IVF (back when I was going to cycle with them again---before I switched to my new RE). I'm hoping they can transfer the approval to my new RE. No reason why they couldn't if my Re is in net work....which they are.

Ok so maybe I shouldn't complain since I have IVF coverage...but I am....

9 more days of the BCP...tomorrow I get my TSH level checked...I forgot to go in this morning.

either that or I'll blow it off if I'm not feeling good. My TSH can wait a few more days I guess.

10 days and counting

10 more days till I take my last BCP. 2 more days till I get my TSH checked (on Monday). I have to admit I'm getting nervous at this point because I can't stop the BCP until my ins company approves my IVF cycle. I called them and they said they had "nothing" from my doctors office. They also said they didn't have record that they approved my cycle with Boston IVF. (which they certainly did) so now I'm wondering if I should call Boston and get the approval number so I can call and prove to them that they approved it. The kicker is they don't know I switched clinics. I just told them I was taking a break and I'd call when I was ready. If I call I'll have to tell them I switched and to be honest I don't want to deal with it. Either that or I can sit back a few more days and pray that they approve it. I really don't want my IVF pushed back. I might lose my IF coverage on 4/1. if I have to wait another cycle I may not complete it in time.

I am very greatful to have insurance coverage for my IVF's but my word are they a pain in the butt. They STILL have not paid for all of my second IVF. My second IVF I didn't have anything to transfer so they billing code was different. They don't "recognize" the code and said "it's not a coverable code" yet I do have the coverage. So I have a $5,500 bill. Luckily Boston IVF says this happens a lot with Anthem (blue cross blue shield) and they won't send it to collections. What a pain! Also my infertility coverage is "out of the box" it's not something that Anthem typically offers so I had to get a letter sent to me with my coverage and prove to them I actually had IVF coverage. *sigh*.

Ok back to this IVF. I'm annoyed that my RE wouldn't process my approval until DH had his SA. I'm also annoyed that he didn't tell me that to begin with because we canceled his first SA and had to wait 3 weeks to get another one. GRRRRRRR. His rational was that he wanted to know if we were doing ICSI so he could have the exact protocol to send to the Anthem for approval. But when he gets my husbands SA results he says it's "ok" but we are doing ICSI anyway due to the fact that I've had poor fertilization with ICSI in the past so he doesn't want to risk natural fertilization being worse. MY WORD...Then why did we do an SA to begin with????

Ok vent over. I've accepted the fact that all doctors have their quirks.

Well 10 days and counting. I'll feel better when I get the insurance approval. I don't' know why I'm scared they haven't failed me yet (all 3 of my IVF's were approved easily but I'm not sure how long it took).