Mentality

It's hard to change my mind set. I'm so used to the mentality that I need more eggs. Here is my reasoning: usually only 50% or less of my eggs fertilize. (if you combine all my cycles my average is 58% fertilization with ICSI). From those not all my embryo's make it to transfer. Usually 1 out of 3 dropped out (never had more then 3 embryo's) by day 3. This time I'm doing a 2dt so it really doesn't matter to much how many eggs I get. I just need enough so I can have 2 good quality embryo's to transfer on day 2. My clinic is VERY picky about the one's they put back. My RE and his embryologist have done a TON of studies on 2 day transfers. She said she can give me all the scientific data I want. Anyhow, I'm sitting here and occasionally I find myself flipping out because I'm only on 150 units of gonal f. In the past I've gotten around 6 eggs out of that dosage. I'd be phsyched if I got 6 eggs this time but I'm so terribly afraid my response is worse. I used to get 6-8 follies with 150 and last time I was on 225 I had 8-9. Could have just been a fluke I guess. I'm still scared and I'm trying not to be. I just can't wait to start stims and get the ball rolling.

I'm trying not to look ahead to my beta. I'm scared that this won't work. This is my 4th fresh IVF and I'm scared to death it won't work. I really don't want to do this again. It's hard when I see so many people around me get pregnant. It makes me crave pregnancy/babies so much more then I normally do. I love my friends and I'm so happy for them. Anyhow, 3 more days of the BCP and 6 more days till my u/s and blood work to start stims! I'm pretty sure I start stims on 2/16.